Good day everyone,
Before you read this I need to say something: Even if i’m serious with what i’m trying to say here, it still make me laugh a lot to write it.
So today i just felt like writing some of my thoughts down. Wondering why ? Well, actually, i’m in summer break right now, but because my school is… Well my school, I have a whole bunch of homework and things to do for the next school year. Yay. Happiness.
But as it is holidays I just don’t want to do anything. So I’ve push myself to do most of it in the first pasts weeks and now it as been a week since I’ve finished the fifty pages of homework i had. AND I spent most of my days hanging out with one of my friend. I actually went outside. Everyday. An entire week. What is my friend doing to me ?
But, this being put apart, I also spent all my entire time home and my whole nights, laying on my bed, looking at the screen of my computer, wondering about where the hell is my life going. That’s why. I need to put my thoughts down, in attempt to make them clear. So, if you’re not someone who can’t sleep because you are wondering about your future, the meaning of life, and why the whole universe is what it is, then that might not be really interesting for you. And let me tell you, you’re lucky. I wish I was like that. BUT nope. So let me tell you about my holidays Teenage Existential Crisis. Or at least that the name I gave it.
Basically, the Teenage Existential Crisis, is when you’re sitting there in your room, and then, all of the sudden, you feel just numb. You can’t feel nothing else but this humongous black hole that swallowed your entire soul. And i’m not even joking, it’s literally it. And then you just lay there, with an empty gaze, not fucking knowing what to do with your life. And because i’m even weirder, i also argue with myself. Out Loud, most of the time.
-“What am I going to study after high school?”
-“Should I study really hard to have my dream job in the future?”
-“What dream job? You don’t even know what you wanna do! You don’t even know what you like!”
-“Then should I just enjoy myself and have fun, living while i’m young?”
-“Yeah and ending having a job you hate, or not even having one? Good idea!”
-“Well Screw you then brain!”
That’s pretty much it. And at the end you’ve done nothing. You didn’t study, you didn’t have fun, you just stood there, numb, empty, not able to feel anything, not able to care about anything.
And it’s not like it last just a day or something. Noooo. Usually, when I fall in this bloody hole, i’m not going to be out of it for ages. Have I ever actually be out of it in two years? Don’t think so. I actually feel like Teenage Existential Crisis is my normal life, and when i’m escape from it, i just have some days where I can actually live and then, after a short amount of time I fall back in again.
I’m one of the most unsure person in the whole universe, not going to lie about that. Whenever it comes to music, art, fashion, interest, subject, personality, desire… I just don’t know, okay?
Who the hell am I ? What the hell do I want?
Well, was that confusing? I bet it was! Cause i’m confuse if you didn’t notice.
But in all seriousness am i the only one? I hope not haha. Do you guys have this kind of thing too? I’m mean pretty much all the teenagers should have it right? But at different level, mine being slightly too high.
Thanks for reading until the end, I hope i’m being reliable for some of you and i’ll talk to you later ! ♡ Bye ♡